I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
