I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
