She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
