Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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