Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
