not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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