I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize