hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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