why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize