i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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