Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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