Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
