Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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