i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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