just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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