So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There are leaves in my underwear?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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