I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
