they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
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Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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