i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Everclear isn't food dammit
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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