there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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