true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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