Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
