Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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