Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
