idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
