i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
