looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
