like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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