This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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