I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
