Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
