Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
