There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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