don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
