I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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