his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
