There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
