Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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