You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
