i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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