giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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