Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize