He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
