Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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