guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
