What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
