you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
