She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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