i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
