i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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