I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize