Do you still have your period?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
