She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
