Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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