Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
