is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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