i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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