at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
