You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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